If you start talking -- and he or she isn't listening -- then ask, "Is there a better time to talk? Try to limit your comments to relatively clear and short sentences. " That helps you focus on the essentials and gives your listener a reasonable time-frame.
" And, if you are the listener, play fair -- give your partner a reasonable alternative. Many times you start talking and you just get carried away. Sometimes as a speaker you will go on and on, without pausing.
My thoughts about "what not to say" apply to both men and women, but some men thought it was going to take away something that the male role holds dear.
Making suggestions for change ("It would be helpful if you cleaned up a bit more"), while giving credit for some positives ("I do appreciate your help with the shopping") can get you more attention and cooperation than out-right attacks ("You are the most selfish person I have ever known").
My experience is that sometimes we just want to vent our feelings, have a sympathetic ear from our partner.
I have to confess that I was like a lot of the guys who have commented on previous posts -- thinking that this was a waste of time.
I was task-oriented, committed to rationality, and focused on problem-solving.