More often than not, it’s anger, self-pity, and feelings of entitlement that fuel a man’s complaints over support. So if you decide to stick around, I’d recommend you prepare for more than a nose full.
He might feel he deserves more of a say, more over how she spends the money, among other things. If he was the perpetrator: Though some experts say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater”, I personally think that some people can learn from past mistakes.
By avoiding his “Life #1”, which includes his ex, all-things marriage and the kids — and throwing himself into “Life #2”, which includes dating you, feeling successful and good about himself, he can run away from the burden of his heavy emotions. Without a doubt, child support payments are a huge responsibility and a source of emotional and financial stress for many men.
What this means for is that you have a rebounder on your hands; a rebounder with some major inner work and big responsibilities in tow. But if your separated man is bitching and complaining about it, it’s a big red flag flapping in your face.
If you chose to proceed in dating him, I caution you to proceed slowly and with eyes wide open. Comments like, “Bah, I just want it over,” or “Doesn’t matter, we’ve been strangers for years,” may seem casual, even confident — but they also mask what’s going on underneath and behind the scenes.
Maybe she’s maliciously blocking the kids from seeing him, maybe she has excellent reason to block him, maybe a court date (or five) lies ahead in his future.
Whatever the case may be, these kinds of circumstances are extremely stressful for him, which will inevitably ripple into your relationship together in some way(s).
Another reason he doesn’t regularly see his kids could be because right now, he despises his ex, himself and the divorce situation, more than he loves his kids.
( still married; just saying…) Now before anyone accuses me of picking on men, let me hasten to say that separated women can be just as “challenging” to date as separated men.
In fact, I pity any man who dated me when I was separated; I was messed up, and didn’t even know it!