Secretly, the spouse may fear not being needed, and worry, “Will I be enough to be loved?” should the addict becoming a fully-functioning, independent adult.This reflects the shame that lies beneath the caretaking, self-sacrificing, role of being a super-responsible partner – shame that underlies With sobriety also comes the fear of relapse.
Sober or abstinent addicts have their own emotional challenges.
Trust has been broken many times, and it will have to be rebuilt – a process that can’t be rushed.
Hopefully, the partner has also been in a 12-Step program, such as Nar-Anon or Al-Anon.
Still, he or she may watch and worry whether the addict is doing what’s necessary to recover and be intrusive with statements like, “Did you call your sponsor?
” or “You need a meeting.”Partners are accustomed to their roles – the addict being unreliable and dependent, and the partner being a super-responsible fixer. The Underdog addict is self-centered and irresponsible, and feels vulnerable, needy, and loved only when receiving.