Fill in the blank: This is what marriage means to me: When you’re clear on what you want, we can take a look at what you can do to accomplish that! Does your definition of marriage require an actual wedding? Can you imagine the emotional pain and legal headaches?
Maybe you wrote something like “Two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together”. You need to be clear on what you expect from a husband/wife, so that when he/she says “Yes!! The only way you can do that is if you know what you’re asking!!
Well, that doesn’t require an actual “legal” marriage! Once you’ve figured out what a marriage entails (so that you know what to ask a potential husband / wife), the question is who to ask!
You can tell someone “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you”, and if he/she says “I love you too – that sounds great! Well, it’s to make sure you know what you want well enough that you can express it to the other person. Take a while and think about what qualities you need in someone for marriage.
After all, how can something be a problem if it isn’t relevant to something you want?
Knowing the outcome you want also lets you know what exactly constitutes a solution to the problem.
By devoting most of your time to a relatively hopeless relationship, your deprive yourself of the chance of exploring other relationships that might give you what you want!
” then you two are “married” according to that definition. If you definitely need a wedding, then a wedding would be part of your definition of a marriage. Imagine the following scenario: You excitedly asked the other person, “Will you marry me? Fill in the blank: Here are the qualities I need in a husband / wife: Like the definition of marriage above, this list will help you determine what you are looking for, so that you spend a minimum amount of time pursuing the wrong people.
It lets you determine quickly who to ask and what to ask.
Since it took you only 2 months (about 160 hours) to find this suboptimal relationship, you have essentially lost the chance for about 12 other potential candidates!
(It’s not as black and white as this as we’ll discuss in the where to find a husband / wife section) Of course, this doesn’t mean you won’t enter into relationships that do satisfy your list and find out later that your list isn’t quite complete.