“When the pain outweighs the value you get from keeping the secret – when it’s just too painful to do it anymore – that’s when you feel like you have to tell the truth,” Jim tells SBS Sexuality. “I’m gay.” Around the world, many gay men are married to women.It was at the climax of one of their arguments that the truth came tumbling out. Some women may suspect it, but – by Jim’s estimation – most probably don’t. “Well, you could say you’re a lesbian,” Jim suggested, hoping to lighten the mood.He claims that these apps only further fuelled existing negative stereotypes and long-standing myths surrounding the gay dating scene."It's no fun looking for love when you're a clown, behind all the make-up and the red nose is a lonely heart.
Twice a month they gather for two hours to share stories. “I guess it’s a sign of the times,” Jim says, “but we’ve had a few situations where guys have come to our meetings and they’re actually married to guys.” He patiently explains to them that the group is actually for gay men in heterosexual marriages.“We get a lot of phone calls from across New South Wales, and across Australia as well,” he says.“We get guys in all different stages, some that want to maintain their marriage and don’t want to come out to anybody – and at the same time they want to have an affair here and there – all the way through to guys who have come out, or are in the process of coming out to their wives and their families,” he says.A new dating app, specifically for gay men, has been launched with the aim to give users a choice between relationships or more casual hook ups.Chappy, a fusion of ‘choice’ and ‘happy’ is the brainchild of Ollie Locke – of Locke’s venture comes after a very public coming out after viewers of the reality television programme saw him date women including Topshop heiress Chloe Green and model Ashley James, come out as bisexual and then say he was a gay man last year.