We may be imagining all sorts of problems that may or may not exist or we’re rationalising our own boundaries, values, and even prior experiences of being in one of these situations (so knowing that we may struggle with the emotional consequences) and are thinking along the lines of, ‘Well…I’m of a certain age so I need to prepare myself for turning a blind eye to any code amber / red actions and indications because people in this age group tend to be recently broken up / separated / divorced‘. There’s no easy answer to the question of what the ‘right time’ is for dating a separated or recently divorced person.I get so many emails asking me about whether to date someone who is separated, recently divorced, or even fresh out of a breakup that I wanted to tackle this tricky subject.We’re often scared (even if nothing has actually happened yet with a particular person) that we may be letting our last chance or even best chance saloon slip away.These will be self-evident – you won’t need to pull out your magnifying glass, start making things up or coming up with rationalisations. Many people have asked me for divorce advice about changing your name back after divorce. And you go on your honeymoon, and at the hotel they call you Mrs. So, now they have to get an amendment to their divorce decree which means spending more money on attorney fees and a court appearance. Most ex husbands don’t really care, in fact, I know a few who are extremely enthusiastic about having their ex go back to her dad’s name, either because they already have another Mrs. Another person might hate their ex so much, that all she wants to do is change her name back to get away from him, because she thinks it’s going to help her get over him. I feel I owe it to you to tell you, I just went through it and it was soooo not a big deal. No matter what name you have, you are you, and your initials, your signature, and what name people refer to you as makes so little difference in the big picture.What you have to keep in mind is that separated is still married until the divorce is finalised and that means that there’s likely to be emotional as well as legal ties.
Some people keep their married name forever, some change back, and some people change from husband number one to husband number two.Like you, the men you’re dating have lived and learned. The only way you can empathize is to know their side of the story.Just like how you’ve dated your share of challenging types of men like the disappearing/reappearing Pinger, the Couch Potato, and the older-and-balder-than-his-profile-guy…men meet and enter into relationships with less-than-impressive types of women.So and So lined up, or they just don’t want the woman they feel is milking them for every cent in court sharing their same name. It’s like if you are Jewish and someone says “Merry Christmas.” Why correct them? Sure, it takes a little bit of time, but for the gratification and pride I feel having my name back, it was so worth it. What does make a huge difference is the person you are, what’s in your core, what’s in your heart, and what you give to the world.So, here are my thoughts on whether you should keep your married name for the rest of your life, or whether you go back to Ms. I do want to mention that a friend of mine who is divorced recently changed hers back, and it totally motivated me to follow suit. I’d been divorced for awhile, but something just clicked when I saw that she changed hers back and it just felt right.