5 dating resolutions for 2016

These qualities are nice, but to truly grow up means making an active effort to recognize and resolve negative influences from our past.

An ideal partner is thus willing to reflect on his or her history and is interested in understanding how old events inform current behaviors.

What I meant to say is that I’m writing your New Year’s Resolutions for you because I’ve been watching y’all commit the same cardinal sins on dating apps year in and year out and I’m staging an intervention. Your Instagram handle as your bio No one’s going to follow you on Instagram. Don’t tell us where we can and cannot apply please. Bored, sexually disappointed and forced into watching college football come to mind. Now imagine that this happens to you 4-6 times a day and the guy is NEVER your celebrity crush, sexiest comic alive Colin Jost. Guys, if you and a girl haven’t matched on Tinder, it does not necessarily mean she hasn’t seen you. Please DO NOT explore alternative routes of contact if you are less than a 10. And not spend all your money buying drinks for trash women? If we have established a rapport before the date, this is much more likely to happen.

“Need not apply” a) I can’t tell if you don’t want white girls or don’t want boring girls or don’t want ice cream cones disguised as girls?? b) You can choose who you decide to talk to on your own time. This man is: a) A bot b) Boring AF c) Trying to skate by on his looks d) All of the above probably Surprise! D for douchenozzle, which is what this guy probably is, if he is real. Honorable mention There are a lot of things I’m prepared to be when I match with 31-year-old Penn State grads. Guys, just share some of your interests, crack a joke, do something, ANYTHING that sets you apart from the sea of other guys named Chris. “Skin Zfan87 wants to send you a message.” Sighing, you slide open the notification to view the message, hoping Skin Zfan is Colin Jost’s fake Instagram account. You heave a dejected sigh, pop 4 melatonin pills and roll over, trying to fall asleep. *This is one instance of a pervasive issue that girls come across multiple times per swipe session, so don’t tell me “omg none of us do that” because yeah, you do.* I was scrolling through Tinder last week when I came across Dave. What struck me about his bio, other than the fact that I will eat my first child if this man is an Harvard grad, and that the phrase “hedonistic desires” makes me dry heave, is the fact that a man of such secrecy would provide his Snapchat and Instagram. And develop some points you can connect on when you meet IRL? We also want to not hate our lives the 1-2 hours we’re sitting with you at some bar.

Similarly, don’t be a dick Introducing Marudeen, a man I matched with on a casual Wednesday evening. Let’s play a game of “spot the glaring issue,” shall we?Here are some of the funniest and most thoughtful relationship resolutions they told us. “I want to go after what I really want more often, even if I don’t think I’ll get it.I feel like I’ve been settling too much in recent years for people who I’m not a great match with or who I don’t even find all that attractive, so this year I’m going to go for people I like even if I think they’re out of my league.I used to think women would like it if I was like, ‘We can do whatever you want,’ but now I realize that just seems like a cop-out to make them do the planning because you’re too worried you’ll choose something they won’t dig. “I’d like to try actually approaching a woman in a bar and engaging in conversation and asking if I can buy her a drink. “I’d like to spend less following up after dates with guys who don’t follow up with me. 31 may be all about the New Year’s kiss, but by New Year’s Day, most people are thinking about what comes after the kiss.

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