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I (she/her) started using Ok Cupid recently, and a couple days ago, my coworker (he/him) who I don’t know well but see around often (we work at a very small company) sent me a message.

I know it can be fun to send a couple silly messages back and forth when you see your friends on these sites without making it weird, but I don’t think this is that.

It might be useful in general to know how to stop an inappropriate interaction like this in the future, so what would you have done? I’m at the point where I would like to have a low-stress check-in about how we’re both feeling regarding exclusivity and commitment.

I’ve been dating a person for almost 3 months, and he is terrific and lovely. I know we’re both currently not seeing anyone else.

We have lots of singles that just can't wait to meet somebody exactly like you!

He is really good looking, funny, shows interest in learning more about me (sadly uncommon! Physically, he is moving much slower than I would prefer.

It’s frustrating and embarrassing for me that I feel so lost as to how to bring this up.There’s a heck of a lot of cultural messaging to the effect that [in a heterosexual relationship] it is a woman’s role to push for commitment and that men dread this conversation, which makes me both extra nervous about it and also kind of resentful.I would like to be able to leave those feelings at the door when I bring it up, but I’m so lost for the right words to use that I just end up getting even more anxious, and then I don’t bring it up at all because I want to be coming from a place of curiosity and confidence, not from a place of fear. He’s kind and responsible and we laugh together a lot and we are hella attracted to each other.I know there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but do you have any good scripts for having this kind of conversation?I think you’d be doing the world a great service by putting out a few (non-gendered) ways to check in with someone you’re dating about your hopes and feelings about the relationship.

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